Funny Wedding Toasts and One Liners

Humor is an important part of any wedding speech, but it can be tricky thinking of funny jokes or one liners that are tasteful and witty and that get everyone laughing. Here are a collection of humorous quotes and one liners.

Quotes

” Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day”- Mickey Rooney

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too”- H. L. Mencken

“The brain is a wonderful thing. It never stops functioning from the time you’re born until the moment you stand up to make a speech”- Herbert V Prochnow and Herbert V Prochnow Jnr

“Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot”- Unknonwn

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret”- Henny Youngman

One Liners
“Always remember the three magic words: “You’re right dear”

“You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it”

“To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Here’s to good sense of humor – and a short memory!”

“A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes”

“I’m told that the best speech makers follow three simple rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I’ll try to stick to that advice”

Not only is it important in choosing funny quotes or one liners, but you also have to cleverly write them into your speech or it could lose the humor if not delivered well. For example the quote by Henny Youngman, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret”. This quote on it’s own isn’t that funny, so here’s an example of how to include it into your speech.
‘Now a toast to the bride and groom on this special day. We wish them all the best in their search. And a search it is going to be for in the words of Henny Youngman, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” Best of luck in figuring it out!’